I believe i am a butterfly in a cocoon. The world expect me to come out and colour their days with rainbows of shades. What if i don't want to come out? What if i want to stay in my cocoon until the day i die?
I don't want to come out at all because since a caterpillar i had seen all the worst thing every caterpillar would cower. I had cried since i am a caterpillar and i had been hurt since i ever felt the pain in every green nerve in this small body. I don't want to experience the same caterpillar feeling when i am a butterfly. So, i decide i don't want to come out. Let me die in my own hot small coffin. No one would know that i am in there and i myself feel safe and just wait and wait for something that i think i will have. However, everyone knows that a butterfly in a cocoon is defenseless, worthless, stupid, pathetic, coward, sissy, idiot, and a disappointment.
One of the reason i want to stay in the coffin is that i want to keep to myself and does not want to compare myself with other fortunate butterflies.. yeah, they are beautiful butterflies and i am just a small unattractive butterfly.. but what if i am just a moth? A brown and black moth? I don't give anyone the reason to love me or to dislike me.. nothing.. zero.... nada...
Sometimes i just want to stick being a caterpillar and die as a caterpillar.. Yeah, let the birds eat me, piece by piece.. i don't care ... what ever..
I don't want to care about anyone right now except me. Yes, i am a selfless caterpillar, a selfish bitch-fly.. what ever that means.... i am just nothing to compare of any little things in this big world... I don't know why God give me so much thing to go through.... i don't know whether He hates me or He loves me.. It seems like He loves everyone close to me except me...
Hey, i am just a butterfly in a cocoon... Don't tell me what i should do and force me to do what i don't want to do... in the end all you get is just a silent f**k off and get lost signals from my head...
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