Heartless

I have a cat. Her name is Shiro. Eventhough I am her owner, but I knew from the start she owns me. We own each other. We have each others back. We suppose to have each others back, but I failed my part. Recently, at the end of Eid ul Adha, I was sending my mother, my sister and her children back to their place. I left Shiro to fend for herself while I was away. I thought leaving her at home with ample food and water would suffice. It was selfish of me. When I came back home, asking my boyfriend to send me. I entered my house with drips and puddles of blood around the house. Being scaredy cat, I was terrified and thought it was something supernatural. I checked on Shiro, she seemed fine at that time. She was meowing like she used to when she saw me and scratched on the same spot on my white leather-like sofa. I decided to stay over at my aunt's house. I stayed and had my jolly good time there while Shiro stayed at home. I came two days after that to take some stuffs and to clean up new but little stains after the first day I came; which were quite a lot. I let Shiro out because she seemed quite keen to move out of the house, maybe for some fresh air or something; I thought. Came the next two days, she was around but just for awhile and left. The next day,l after that, I came hoping to see her but she was not around. Finally, I have decided that it was nothing and came back to stay for the night with my sister's company. When I came later in the evening to stay for the night, I saw her waiting meekly at my front door. She was weak, her beautiful silvery fur was stained and her eyes were tired and red. She looked so sad. That is when I realized what a bad owner I am. I opened the door,to let her in. She saw me, I picked her up and brought her inside. After settling down, I took a look at her and realized that her rear seemed dirty and sticky. I brought her close to me and examined het rear. It was shocking to see that her rear produced some pus like liquid. I pinched and the liquid oozed out. It was dreadful. I planned to take her to the vet soon. That night she slept close to me like she was during the Eid ul Adha week. Being selfish, yet again, I delayed my intention because I was occupied with work at school. I only showered her and cleaned her up to see if the liquid is just a minor secretion. Soon, I had a feeling that it was not.I noticed that she did not even touch her food and I saw that she peed little and there was no poo since I brought her in. I brought her to the vet yesterday. I googled and found a good vet close to home. I took her after I came back from work. She was looking rather lethargic. At the vet, the doctor diagnosed that she might have some problem with her lady parts and there was a bump around her midriff. The doctor suggested a surgery to identify what the bump is. I had to leave her to spend the night at the vet while waiting for her surgery on the next day. Today, I enquire the clinic about my cat. I was shocked that she was pregnant. It was devastating to hear that her baby died in her womb and it had been so long that it accumulated pus around the area. I reflected in the first day I saw drips of blood around the house and I thought of her. How neglectful I was of her. How shameful I was to not be more empathic and sensitive with beings around me, especially for Shiro. Now, the doctor said that she really had to remove the unborn kitten and the womb. That was it. The thing that slapped me hard on my face. It made me question my sense of empathy. Heartless, that is what I am. A close friend of mine called me heartless. Maybe she didnt know the true meaning of the word, but it weighs a lot of impact to me. I am a heartless person.