Butterfly in a cocoon..

anyone bitch-fly black body brown butterfly care caterpillar cocoon coffin compare days decide die eat everyone except expect experience feel give god green hey idiot keep lost loves moth nerve nothing piece rainbows reason seems shades sissy something sometimes stay stick stupid things think wait world worthless yeah yes zero

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I believe i am a butterfly in a cocoon. The world expect me to come out and colour their days with rainbows of shades. What if i don't want to come out? What if i want to stay in my cocoon until the day i die?

I don't want to come out at all because since a caterpillar i had seen all the worst thing every caterpillar would cower. I had cried since i am a caterpillar and i had been hurt since i ever felt the pain in every green nerve in this small body. I don't want to experience the same caterpillar feeling when i am a butterfly. So, i decide i don't want to come out. Let me die in my own hot small coffin. No one would know that i am in there and i myself feel safe and just wait and wait for something that i think i will have. However, everyone knows that a butterfly in a cocoon is defenseless, worthless, stupid, pathetic, coward, sissy, idiot, and a disappointment. 

One of the reason i want to stay in the coffin is that i want to keep to myself and does not want to compare myself with other fortunate butterflies.. yeah, they are beautiful butterflies and i am just a small unattractive butterfly.. but what if i am just a moth? A brown and black moth? I don't give anyone the reason to love me or to dislike me.. nothing.. zero.... nada... 

Sometimes i just want to stick being a caterpillar and die as a caterpillar.. Yeah, let the birds eat me, piece by piece.. i don't care ... what ever.. 

I don't want to care about anyone right now except me. Yes, i am a selfless caterpillar, a selfish bitch-fly.. what ever that means.... i am just nothing to compare of any little things in this big world... I don't know why God give me so much thing to go through.... i don't know whether He hates me or He loves me.. It seems like He loves everyone close to me except me... 

Hey, i am just a butterfly in a cocoon... Don't tell me what i should do and force me to do what i don't want to do... in the end all you get is just a silent f**k off and get lost signals from my head...

Happy Birthday My fren..

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HOpe You enJoy YouR Life and RemEmBer Akhirat...

To live a life is not how far you are from your goal but how far you have gone towards your goal...

Perseverance and submit everything in His hand are two principles a true Muslim must have in their souls... 

These are the principles that i had tried to achieve for all my life,

i may be patient but i am not a persevered person. To be patient with less grumbles and comments is still not in my blood yet. However, i want to be in that state. 

Actually, perseverance and the submission to Allah SWT share synonymous meaning. You don't complain; you keep moving on and rely on Him for your next fate are to name some of the acts that persevered person can have.

I want to relate both principles in my life right now.. This is my story....

I received my timetable today and i noticed i am one of the pupils that are 'not-so-good' in class. Last time, i would cry and blame Allah and myself to be in such 'miserable' condition but now i don't.. At present, I don't want to compare myself with other people around me because i am different from them in many ways.. Allah made everyone special in many ways.. (read the Quran, you'll find that verse somewhere, insyallah). 

Here i want to share a tafsir of a Surah that is called The Relief (Ash - Sharh).

1) Did We not expand for you, [O Muhammad], your breast?

2) And We removed from you your burden

3)Which had weighed upon your back

4)And raised high for you your repute.

5)For indeed, with hardship [will be] ease.

6)Indeed, with hardship [will be] ease.

7)So when you have finished [your duties], then stand up [for worship].

8)And to your Lord direct [your] longing.

(you can see more by clicking to this link : http://quran.com/94

I can only explain the meanings in my point of view but this is just how i see the verses relate to me. 

We MUST NOT GIVE UP

Every tears lingers today are for the smile of tomorrow

We keep on walking after we achieve what we want

Keep on believing to in Allah Almighty and submitting ourselves to Him, the One who knows what are the best for us.

If there is anyone who wants to know more about perseverance in Islam, open this link... 

Insyallah, you'll get what you want to find.. Amin!!

http://www.nmnonline.net/tenets/PATIENCEANDPERSEVERANCE.html

Remember, life is like a dream while akhirat is when someone wakes you up from your dream..

Puisi buat Mama..

Mak

masa berlari laju

aku sudah tua

dirimu sudah penat

tapi jari2 mu

erat ku genggam

hangat belakangmu

melenakanku

kala

dunia kita

bergegar



Mak

apakah dunia ini

jahat?

Kejam?

dan Sadis?

aku tak bisa lihat

dirimu patah

berdarah

menangkis amarah dunia..

bila dia nak berhenti?



Mak

personamu

ada dalam diriku

izinkan aku jadi

perisai gagahmu

aku juga kukuh

dewasa

dan tegap



Mak

rehatlah disisiku

bahu ini

bantal tidur aman mu

peluk ini

selimut ketenangan mu

kini

biar aku

hadapi dunia

untuk mu..

__________________________________

01hb Julai 2010 

pukul 11.55 mlm 

(Room 92, International House, Auckland)

(puisi ini dibuat kala 2toes dan seorg kwn (bintang kanayah) tgh berbalas puisi.. dia buat puisi untuk ibu dia dan 2toes untuk mama.. 2toes hantar pada mama and mama balas ini: 

Thank you.
Woooiii. Nampaknya dah ada penyair pelapis ASM. He he he. Mak bangga atas keupayaan Eli dan tersentuh membaca bait-bait sajaknya. Anakku ..apa yang membahagiakan seorang ibu adalah kebahagiaan dan kesejahteraan anaknya. Buatlah apa saja yang memanfaatkan dirimu dan orang ramai pasti hati rasa puas dan bahagia. Mama sentiasa berdoa untuk mu dan kita semua seisi keluarga. Be happy and think positive ...I love you.