Hi again~!
I am feeling moody and again I tend to forget that I had a blog where I can pour my hearts out like river from the upper mountain. Non stop>.. It's already 2011 and this is my first post for this new year. Too bad, I am in a moody mood right now.
I don't like assignments.. To be more specific I don't like doing last minute assignments. In spite of my hatred, I am still doing it and I am doing it right now, this very moment of complete ignorance of time and space. Yes, I squeeze myself to make time for me to sleep, playing around and playing around again. I think that I am moody right now because I had made my motto for this year as not to do any last minute thing. Now that I had failed my vision, I am feeling moody and helpless... I failed myself and I will fail again.. over and over again. I hate that. I do hope I had more self-restraint. I would not say that I am stupid or anything else but I just feel like one... For all these years, I do hope I can be successful like other... It's a joke right? For someone to actually pass with flying colours without studying hard? But why I always compare myself to these group of people who are blessed with strong cognitive and metacognitive process. I am still trying to figure out what are my specialty. I thought I am aural and visual learner. I didn't even write any notes during class so that I can pay attention to the slides and the lecture. So far, I can't access myself whether it worked or not. I had a feeling that it is not working. Hey, at least I am saving some trees because I used less paper now. Haaa! Now I am an environmentalist... I should do some voluntary work saving trees...
Oh, I had been grumbling about this thing for months since I got this job. Yeah, the job that I am currently employed to. I had a feeling that I should quit it but I still can't. I don't know why I don't have the nerve or determination to say those sacred words "I quit!". I think I might get consumption if I continue working at that place again. I even grow pimples and I had something in my eye. Oh... that thing in the eye is my worst so-called enemy. I hate it to the core.. People would accuse me for a peeping tom. I am not a porno stalker for Allah's sake!! People still believe in this grandmother taboo... Hello! This is the 22nd century... how far are you in the dinosaur age?! Anyway, I think maybe I don't want to quit my job because I am afraid of being penniless. Yeah, that is possible. Back at home, I had decided that I don't want to stay broke, ever. I hate not having money in my pocket in the time of desperation. Credit cards are bad, yeah but these cards saved my ass. Alhamdulillah, Allah had made the credit cards available when I am in need. I would be begging along the alley if I don't have them. Allah knows what else might happened to me without His mercy. Oh, He is the Most Gracious and Merciful. I wouldn't say all these words to anyone except Him. I was actually planning on keeping the money from work for future use; like a trip to the South or OZ. I wouldn't be staying in Auckland for long. I am going back by the end of this year. A true muslim shouldn't have any world attachments but I am a nostalgic person. I linger on things, places and time. I can't take my head off all the things that I think worth remembering. If I were given a choice, I would like to stay here and marry someone here. Do some sewing or something instead of being a teacher. I do not loathe being a teacher but I hate stress. Stress makes me feel ugly, angry, moody and lots of appetite; not that I eat lesser food than my other friends. In the future, I should consider quitting my job. For now, I can still bear with it. I hope I didn't get any serious disease or fractures from working there. I still want to live being happy and healthy till I die.
2 comments:
you know what, you should have been scribbling sth when you're listening to a lecture. It really helps to strengthen your memory.
This time around, I would like very much to kick you. How come you take for-granted of your own analytical understanding of a situation? if you know what you're doing is not good for your study, show some priority and quit the ones that does not benefit the one you give priority to.
in Hadis 40 An-nawawi, it said that there are 4 things that Allah had made fixed in everyone's lifetime and one of them include rezeki. don't worry about not having a job later on, you have to remember Allah and constantly pray for him to murahkan rezeki. Allah always love it when His slaves ask something from Him. so, why not ask and try to find other job to help yourself. :D
nobody is born perfect, everyone have their own plus and minus point. right, hope you'll read this~
I don't scribble. I listen and comprehend. I don't write coz I tend to dream while I am writing. Moreover, if i were to write, I would not be listening to the lecturer and it'll be such a waste. I read before I go to lecture. About the work thing, I am still in it. I work so that I know how hard it is to work. I hate it but I must do it. Just the same thing like being a teacher. At some point, I'll hate it but I will have to do it. I know I am very good at that. I believe you do too. You can force things on me and I'll try to like it for the sake of others I love. I don't mind. Yes, rezeki is predestined for each ummah. I think mine is this. I will work for it, although I had qualms which told me to call it off. Someday, I am going to quit this work. For now, while I am at leisure, I should do something rather than doing nothing in my room. It helps me not to wish I am in a place where there are no pains, hard works and stress (Allah knows best).
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