Just like before...

Like what i used to write.. : I don't know what to say.

These days had been a bit gloomy for me. I think maybe I am feeling lonely. Or maybe I missed the time when I am young although I am taught to worry since I was a child.

I missed the time when I climbed the trees, venturing in the backyard bushes and playing with my sisters and brother. Yes, I missed them. When i tried to look back, my small heart yearn for those nostalgic moments to replay again.

Oh! How I hope that I can keep my past in my closet and go back whenever I want to. Forget all the bad things that ever happened when I was young, forget all the pains and sorrows that I had gone through. I had come to realized that I am what I am. I am the product of the past me. It seems like yesterday that I played the cement mixture with my sisters to make gray-hard cookies. I feels like an hour ago that I had taken a nap under our shady tree that grows pink and creamy green leaves. Lay under our self constructed swing, Mak had made for us. 

How I hope that I am not afraid of heights too much that I can walk again on the rooftops at the Quarters. I remember playing under the white frangipani tree which Bapak told us that he saw a big lizard that could swallow Didi in one gulp; Didi was skinny back then. Yeah, we were scared back then but we still play there in spite of the warning that there is a black snake nest at the small little hill located near the snowy tree. I also remember the backyard dumping area where we would throw away any degradable rubbish from our household and that was also the place where we 'buried' our pet chicken after her 'tragic' death. 

I also remember one time when my sisters and I were hoping ill fate to our little brother because he made Bapak punished us to stay under the house for faults that are not us to blame. I think I can still find some of my teeth that i planted near the house. Yeah, I pulled my own tooth and am proud of being independent and fearless. 

Didi and I used to be punished. I am sure she remember the time where Bapak punished us to sleep outside; one night we had to sleep at the verandah and one time we slept in the old white Toyota with roaches crawling all over our body. These are all the unforgettable moments that I can't help but smile to myself and I am sure Didi would do the same. 

There was also one time when we splashed water under the house and sprinkled detergent on the wet cement floor. It was our imaginary 'water world' and we slide back and forth on the slippery floor. We would jump from the wall and doing brilliant stunts before Mak and Bapak came back from work. Oh, how furious was Bapak back then. However, I don't remember what were our punishment back then. 

Now, I can only sigh and reminisce. All I can do is to only write and hope. I am a big girl now. I will marry later on and had my own children. Life goes on and one day I will die. I pray that Allah will make me live with Iman, die with Iman and resurrected with enough Iman so that I won't be too ashamed to meet him in His court. Insyallah!! Amin!!