Hi again~!
I am feeling moody and again I tend to forget that I had a blog where I can pour my hearts out like river from the upper mountain. Non stop>.. It's already 2011 and this is my first post for this new year. Too bad, I am in a moody mood right now.
I don't like assignments.. To be more specific I don't like doing last minute assignments. In spite of my hatred, I am still doing it and I am doing it right now, this very moment of complete ignorance of time and space. Yes, I squeeze myself to make time for me to sleep, playing around and playing around again. I think that I am moody right now because I had made my motto for this year as not to do any last minute thing. Now that I had failed my vision, I am feeling moody and helpless... I failed myself and I will fail again.. over and over again. I hate that. I do hope I had more self-restraint. I would not say that I am stupid or anything else but I just feel like one... For all these years, I do hope I can be successful like other... It's a joke right? For someone to actually pass with flying colours without studying hard? But why I always compare myself to these group of people who are blessed with strong cognitive and metacognitive process. I am still trying to figure out what are my specialty. I thought I am aural and visual learner. I didn't even write any notes during class so that I can pay attention to the slides and the lecture. So far, I can't access myself whether it worked or not. I had a feeling that it is not working. Hey, at least I am saving some trees because I used less paper now. Haaa! Now I am an environmentalist... I should do some voluntary work saving trees...
Oh, I had been grumbling about this thing for months since I got this job. Yeah, the job that I am currently employed to. I had a feeling that I should quit it but I still can't. I don't know why I don't have the nerve or determination to say those sacred words "I quit!". I think I might get consumption if I continue working at that place again. I even grow pimples and I had something in my eye. Oh... that thing in the eye is my worst so-called enemy. I hate it to the core.. People would accuse me for a peeping tom. I am not a porno stalker for Allah's sake!! People still believe in this grandmother taboo... Hello! This is the 22nd century... how far are you in the dinosaur age?! Anyway, I think maybe I don't want to quit my job because I am afraid of being penniless. Yeah, that is possible. Back at home, I had decided that I don't want to stay broke, ever. I hate not having money in my pocket in the time of desperation. Credit cards are bad, yeah but these cards saved my ass. Alhamdulillah, Allah had made the credit cards available when I am in need. I would be begging along the alley if I don't have them. Allah knows what else might happened to me without His mercy. Oh, He is the Most Gracious and Merciful. I wouldn't say all these words to anyone except Him. I was actually planning on keeping the money from work for future use; like a trip to the South or OZ. I wouldn't be staying in Auckland for long. I am going back by the end of this year. A true muslim shouldn't have any world attachments but I am a nostalgic person. I linger on things, places and time. I can't take my head off all the things that I think worth remembering. If I were given a choice, I would like to stay here and marry someone here. Do some sewing or something instead of being a teacher. I do not loathe being a teacher but I hate stress. Stress makes me feel ugly, angry, moody and lots of appetite; not that I eat lesser food than my other friends. In the future, I should consider quitting my job. For now, I can still bear with it. I hope I didn't get any serious disease or fractures from working there. I still want to live being happy and healthy till I die.
